The Codependency Project

.cod.py (beneath the ruins and ashes of codependency)
PART 1 – Introduction
What is Codependency? : in medical terms, it’s a psychological dysfunction that is identified by a person who is emotionally over-attached or psychologically dependent on the emotions, needs, concerns, and convictions of another person, while failing to receive the correct amount of affirmation needed, to live out one’s life from the inside out.
Codependency for me has been nearly, to the T, this and a various array of other things, a thorn in my side for as long as I can remember. For me, my codependency came from an early age of negligence and improper handling and upbringing. Both my father and mother have been working agents for my codependency, in different ways. My dad never really knew how to talk to me nor did he attempt empower me, because he’s been bound up from a lot of things for pretty much his whole life as well. My mom, in fear of stepping over psychological boundaries, or even finding the right balance of empowerment and guidance for me, also kept a lot of herself from me in my childhood and later life as well. It’s so hard to talk about this even now, because we, as a family, haven’t truly dealt with this stuff, ever. I mean it’s the very reason why people have demonic seeds also known as ‘generational curses’ that stay within families for generations in some cases. It’s sad but terribly true on many different levels.
My cod.py has also snuffed out a lot of relationships that I later justified as God weeding out people in my life that I didn’t need. This creates a lot of unnecessary baggage for when I really do come into contact with the people that I need. Because I’ve trained myself for so long to just deal with it in silence and justify it later; like being a walking internal time bomb, that’s constantly going off, with no one who knows about it, except for the victim. It’s very tough to deal with things like this, because it’s these psychological ailments that eventually drive people to want to commit suicide. They never establish a proper world view or even more important, a clear scope of who they are in Christ Jesus! The crazy thing about the Gospel that I’m learning, is that it’s near blasphemous to not understand who we are and who’s we are. It’s the corner stone of the Christian Faith to know that Christ is the author and the Finisher of our Faith. That He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. He casts a shadow over His people in whom He loves and is well pleased with, to protect them from any harm that may try to befall their dwelling.
But yet this concept is so difficult to comprehend for us with cod.py. At least in the beginning it is hard to. Because this perspective invokes for a philosophic worldview on the way we should live our lives that we who have trust issues (major and minor) are too gripped with fear to really commit to. Every addict of something KNOWS deep within themselves that there is a reciprocal or a counter action for their condition. Just because they don’t acknowledge it with their actions, doesn‘t mean that they don’t understand that it exists – or at least HOPE that there must be something more to this life than wasting breath and looking good in pictures for their FB page.
When I was watching pornography, I always would compartmentalize my sin. Like this; (let me just go ahead and get this out of my system and be done with it. God knows that I haven’t the strength to bear this. Nobody else is gonna know except me and God. I’ve already looked with lust at those girls at work, and I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, why fight it now.) I mean the list goes on, but the point is this, as much as I wanted to come out of what I was going through, I counter acted it because of what I continued to train myself to justify. I knew watching porn was wrong, but deep down as bad as it hurt to watch it, wanted the feeling of being connected to a person who gave me there undivided attention at my call. And porn afforded me that. So I compartmentalized my sin and compromised the truth just so that I could have somebody’s attention, affirmation, care, and love. When you want something bad enough, you’ll stop at nothing to get it. And the root of my gaining attention from people was directly linked to my (cod.py) so why should I stop watching porn? Why should I stop being all up in a girls face all of the time? Why should I stop opening myself up, with nothing to truly empower another person with, and try to be friends beyond FB likes and comments…This is the dire truth of my heart and soul and the reason for my actions, relationships bitterness, anguishes, hurts, and a plethora of others that caused me to forget who I am when someone looks at me in the eye.
I put myself in jail to the person that even shows me that they might care for me, even a little bit. I give them the right to tell me what to do, what to say, how to act, when to go, when to call, how to sit, how to talk, where to be at, and you get the picture – I turn into a social slave and a walking martyr to society (secular and sacred) because of (cod.py) Even with FB book – I find myself measuring my worth and streamlining my social success based upon the fact that people like my status’ or comment on my video’s and view my profile – I did it with myspace. I’ve done it with basketball, middle school and high school friends, I've held on to it at birthday parties, doctors visits, pool parties, party invites, club appearances, staying the night at friends houses, asking for money, shaking hands, meeting people, conversations about music, youth groups, road trips, family visits, pep rallies, football games, beach side reflections, during church services, on stage, during the alter call, at work, in the parking lot, in the shower, in my bed, watching porn, cooking breakfast, reading a book, practicing my instrument, doing something someone else asked me to do. – And that’s just the immediate ones that I can think of. But the point is that this issue never leaves and it never sleeps. It’s a black cloud that follows, and while it’s over me it’s too dark to see tomorrow. It’s the purple elephant in the room of my soul that is inextricably woven into my thought process and determines how I think and live and move and have my being in Christ. It’s as active as my conscience is, honestly, because I wake up to it every morning of everyday... And that’s why I’m fighting back today with the scripture and with words unsaid...
This exposition is written to inspire and to encourage and also to both talk about the light that’s saved me and also what the light helps me see in this life (how to live). Originally, I was going to write a full blown dissertation but the Lord admonished me that this wasn’t necessary. So with that being said, I’m going to present a series of poems and SHORT stories that describe my life in dealing with codependency and how I came out of it. I hope you enjoy it and I pray that there’s something in here for you that provokes you to want to get closer to the Lord. So open your hearts and release your minds from the parameters of fiction and empty story telling your mind has been in tuned to from popular culture… You won’t need it!
Enjoy…













Part 2
The Expositions

(b.ack stor.y) the first 3 poems were written out of a place of extreme bitterness and malice towards my biological father. In this time period, my parents and I were dealing with many woes and discrepancies between the household and our relationship with each other…This is what came out of it…)

(1) I don't even know why I feel this way
I feel as if I could hate you for the rest of my life
I get convinced that my dispositions are right - but its strife
That I'm fueled by, amped up to yell in your face
And tell you to like you told me, to go Hell and leave this place
I'm angry at your actions and I’m sick of fighting you internally
Every time I see your face my heart involuntarily starts to bleed
But I need you to listen
For once, tune your ears and understand me
Because I can't live like this and continue to call you family
I cant talk to you without wanting to make you pay for all the wrong things that you've done
That you did without thinking, and you done them to your son
For fun, maybe, but why then do I cry like a new born baby
Who's neglected but with your choice weapon of selfishness, I’m left perplex'ted
I feel naked and unusual or an unusable tool
I’m ostracized outside the city like a Samaritan
Jerusalem's fool
I’m unprotected and ill-witted
Unequipped in a world of monsters
But I’ve grown to realize that you're one of them
A thought that I didn't conjure - up
Or think on my own, its the produce of your own fore thoughts
It’s the fruit of your labor
But you walk around like a hardwired robot
Being swayed by popular cultures
A trapeze of endless twirls and circles
You follow anything that keeps you comfortable
And run from being exposed
And it sickens me!
I’ve hated myself because you seemingly didn't want me
I’ve wanted to die and be forgotten
And with your actions you said, "Go ahead...”
My condition is smitten, but lost and confused
Tossed and abused
Raped and molested
Festering and not connected
Head ached and falsely concepted
Maliced and biased
Forgetful and out of time
And
A liar without compliance
I’m a hardcore case of opportunity
I want unity
Only if it works for my good in the end
And my immunity
You won't speak I'll do more devious
I'll use the media to upset your precepts and tell you what’s next!
You can't get aggressive enough to stop me
I'll pop 3 with a prime NRA grip of choice
And make noise that men of war hate hearing
Yet are favorite toys for little boys
I’m not scared anymore, I’m fearless
And don’t try and stop me
I’ll retaliate with indignance that's filled with
Retribution and contaminated pen ship
I should mention that I can grow up on my own
Don't call me on the phone
To try and ask how I’m doing
Eventually you start calling me away, shooing...
I get angry till I’m blue in the face
Smurfed up with contusions and abased
Called your disgrace
And left for dead, and locked up into another place
I don’t even know who I am - or what I could be - or what I’ve become
I’m flying by the seat of my pants
In this mixed up world
But you brought me here and gave me nothing
Tried to hope that I would figure out on my own
And I have and I’ve hated you for it
'Cause I wake up, only to get hit by a forklift
And my dreams are constantly shattered
And I can't ignore it like you can
I just wish that you would love me
Whatever your battling, I wish you would give in
And come and hug me
I wish my mother felt comfortable with you
I wish you 2 would grow together
And die to each other’s rights and wishes
And become interdependent
But you're withheld and withdrawn
Holding it in and something’s wrong
And you refuse to talk about it
That's why I write this song.....

Because I’m sick of the silence
I wanna break free from my depression
Cause I’m in step with thoughts of topless females for my soulish medicine
Since 2008 til 2010
I acted out my debauchery and blatantly committed sin
I’ve been boxed up and trapped, choking on lies and all the while
No one questioned my integrity, or challenged what was behind my smile
I’m wondering why do I even have to cry like this
WHY!
Why must I have to feel this silent pain that I can't tell to anyone
Why am I so alone
Why is there no person in my life that's willing to just sit and listen
WHY
Why must I go on lie this
Why do you still not care?
Why do I feel like you hate me?
Why do I feel like I hate you?
Why is there no truth?
And only compromise
Why has my heart, that I thought was always pliable and soft, turned into a breeding ground for unforgiveness and solitary confinement?
…..
….
...

(2) Only a turbulent ocean
Can describe my current range of emotion
I’m so sick from life's concoctions and poisonous potions
But I’ll tattoo my face
With the facades of potent lotions
So you wont have to deal with what I’m feeling
You won't have to burden yourself
With my psychological condition
I’m like Michelangelo's depiction
Of an Adam reaching and clinging - striving for His intuition
But I’m stuck in a portrait
Standing still in my position
Against my will, I’m well-wishing
And I fell when grace was given
I’m disconnected from my home base
Stranded on an island
Where the natives chase me night and day
So to cope I’ve gone under-cover
I’ve adopted their customs
I’ve molded my will to theirs
Their burdens I now have
And dispositions I must share
I’ve traded what I thought I knew
For the powers of this age
I talk like they talk
And walk around in a prisoners shame
I’m a POW-U
A Prisoner of Words Unsaid
But they don't seem to care
Since I got their mark on my head
So as far as their concerned
I’m just like 'em
But underneath I’m fighting
A compromised heart
That’s married strife
And
All kinds of foul play
And hardships
My love-live tastes like hard chips
I’m stone cold
Like frozen cartilage of a narcissist
I’m stiff necked
And mad at the world
I feel left for dead
And gasping for my last breathe
I’m sweating bullets
Wondering if I’ll pass the test
But in this tribe
I’m dead already
‘Cause before I came in
I had a suicide letter written and signed
They knew the whole time what I was about
‘Cause I couldn't fight my hearts tugging
No matter how much I try to lie to myself
I was always struggling
Muzzling my desperate calls under my release of CO2…












(3) See everybody's a critic

Or very well a bigot

I feel like I'm trapped - in the Chronicle's of Riddick

Solider of an unseen movement - the mind to be specific

I wanna take back what was stolen from me,

And put it in hieroglyphics

So you'll be forced to understand the black man pain I campaign 'bout

I'll speak in parables with a vernacular

That 'ill make your brain clout

=====

You don't deserve anything else from me

Nothing more nothing less

Than what I'm already giving you

'Cause your soul I detest!

You want me to live in a fabricated fantasy

Made up in your own mind

And my relief is entrapped by your canopy

Sometimes I wonder if you're wearing a white pillow case as well

'Cause you're a coward, a snake, a phony, a fake

A diabolical candidate

Of the catacombs of hell

=====

You're ashamed of your own color

And abandoned me to your mother

And left me to find my own way into this society

Not wanting to receive a brother

I don't even know who you are

Much less where you been

Robbed me from strength within

I never know where to start

=====

Because we share nothing but a name

And yet in this state

That was probable of never happening

Because they try to theft our identities

Only for the reason of hate....

And where do I go at this rate!

I wanna make my footprints for madea

and live the life she wanted for me

Yet you question "Langston what life'?"

Sadly...you really have no idea

Being a fatherless child is starting a slack in my wrist

I wanna be a strong man

But I'm always lacking the gift...

=====

LORD WHY ME!

Spiritual poverty and soulish malnutrition

Is what my counterparts want to bring...

But I need a new nigga

For this black cloud to follow

'Cause while it's over me

It's too dark to see tomorrow

And so I weep for us both

Believing that the only TRUE judge will reconcile

The differences we have

And our separation reinforced by miles


But how can I be free

If I never forgive you?

Will I learn today?

Or will I secretly write through all of my works....

to be continued...








(.b.ack stor.y.) – These next 3 poems are the stories behind what qualified my needs for God’s Grace. In layman’s terms, the Lord showed me where my true hatred and strife was coming from. It was from within. My greatest enemy was my inner me. And because I couldn’t reconcile my difference’s, I turned to the outside and started taking swings at everyone else around me. I eventually self-destructed and turned back to pornography. This is what the Lord did to bring me out…
(4) And so it begins - the conscience within
Is stimulatively connected to sin.
I've tried to act like I've walked past it, but the pain is that which won't subside.
But an act of a patriarchal glorified 'do goodie' only proved me - in reality - to be a victim of good booties.
Watching Erica Campbell and licking my lips to the satisfaction of lust,
Never ever wanting to leave this place - never ever having enough.
I can taste in my atmospheric midst that surrounds / the reels / that continue to play the picture...
That I see with my eyes - visualizing myself with her.
Her in my hands - and continually rejecting God's plan - to stand firm and outstandingly pursuing the righteousness - that makes a sound man.
All the while I'm still salivating, waiting, contemplating and hesitating -
Plus my hearts racing
By the imagery - its my makeshift
I'm nearly fainting!
Cause it's realer than most - But I'm only like rocking the PlayStation.
...


...

.....

So what do I want?
Love or Lust?
Lies or Trust?
Anarchy or Harmony?
Condemnation or Emancipation?

How do I figure out what ticks turn my tocks?
And how much faith do I have when faced with the cops?
Of my own personal prison cell of thoughts and motives
A motif of musical hierarchy -
And yet I just stroll in -
And out - back and forth
Wrestling with my advice -
To understanding wisdom
And with holy admonishment - never think twice.

But concerning the treacherous past
I've now inherited my forgiveness of being and opportunist
And never asking permission…

I know where my love lies in this day and time
It lies in truth and in integrity…
In patience and understanding.
In boldness and in valor.
In good report and in faithfulness.
In stewardship and in praise
In thanksgiving and in righteous dialogue.

In warm nights and in overcast mornings/
Sunrises and sunsets...

And in moments of youth - and in your safety I'm joining....

.righteous and forgiven, from my lecherous past.













(5) Your love for me intrigues
And dares me to try and breathe
A breath without your oxygen
Felling like a canopy without leaves...
.and yet you're deeper than the oceans.
======
You have a lake of fire
That's only meant to consume
The things you don't want your children to have
(That I keep locked away in a room / a closet / a catacomb / a notebook / a secret /
A violent act of indecent style behavior
Patterned to my sinful nature -
Born with this 'don't ask, don't tell'
Concerning my exact thoughts and motives,
Is what you said to give to the light
And now I'm exposed...
.and you're deeper than the oceans.
======
Yet the heterosexual tendencies - beg me to please
This yearning of the flesh, and to have a womb within possession
That's why when a she comes in my paths
I guess that's why I constantly ask
"Is she the one to raise my seeds from?"
Thoughts running fast - I fall into temptation half in half with hesitation
And let thoughts of compromise start to shift/drift into a wrestle
With my spirits right teaching
And my fluctuating feeling's that need Jesus' breaching.
'Cause she can never complete me like the Most High
Who is the Operator of Integrity
And Truth's untold by.
.and yet you're deeper than the oceans.
======
Afro-centric figures scattered across the political systems / arena /
Can't even compare to your sound wisdom
So one shouts 'Eureka!'
'I found it' and 'by George that Man's got it!'
Money Money Money MUNAHHH!!
But yet our envious heart is distraught-ed
See He's the Easter basket
The gift to us - the knowledge - the builder of rapport
The original race maturity ward
The giver of peace and love - strength and authority
The perfect special someone who's constantly crying
"Stop ignoring me..."
.and your love is deeper than the oceans.
======
We cannot comprehend this unconditional lovin’
That reads no shell size or colors
Just character and intent -
Knowledge will pass but wisdom lives on
And love will always prevail
Because of the rock that it's built upon
...
And I ask if you've ever seen a pair of eyes that my savior didn't die for?
Have you ever witnessed a dead child, whose mother couldn't cry for?

Have you closed your eyes
And imagined a day
That you could
SOAR
FLAP
ASCEND
.....
.and fly away?

So can you beloved, even with eyes open today...
Plummet into the depth of His love for you...
.that's deeper than the oceans.

(6) The Savior Who Reigns!
See I'm lacking the vernacular
To adequately capture
His immaculate stature
And His love for Mary Magdalene
But still I grab this torch
And use His word as a lit match and then
Attempt to make an accurate depiction of His majesty

I'm glad it's He
That created the sun, moon, and stars
Who made a choice
That's actually
Broken these chains and melted these bars
Of religion and trepidation
Self-Righteousness
The bed of Satan
Instead of waiting
He struck both sides of my mattress
With a mere statement
Remodeled the whole house
And made the cornerstone Christ Jesus
Evaluated my situation
And gave me the word that Paul spoke to the Galatians And the Ephesians....

Concerning the fruits of the spirit
Christian conduct and a life of worship
Why He died on my behalf
And my life to be in His surplus
He disrupted my circus
With a verse of true controversy
and said 'Nobody fears God..'
In listening to this it started to hurt me
Urking and Lurking in my hearts file cabinets and archives
Was the never ending truth
Of the Symphony of Heaven
HALLELUJAH!
OUR GOD'S ALIVE!
He's alive and iridescent
Undisputable and irrefutable
Fully suitable to fit work
In a hard heart that seems un-do-able
I got a passion in the Son of Man
And a passion in His words
Passion that burns for His hands to grasp
My hearts every turn
And twist
And He remains anonymous
But I know him by His gift
For he greeted me with a kiss
And with obedience I'll honor Him.

(.hook.)
All praise to the name
Of the Savior who reigns
He's taken our blame
And embraced all our shame
He's raised from the grave
So His fame we proclaim
Salvation by grace
Through faith in His name!

(.verse 2.)
The most prolific martyr
The who (who's) dwelling in unapproachable light
The God man Jesus Christ
His mandate repent and follow:
The steps of the elect
And wear His words on your chest and neck
Denounce the sin
And to lawlessness
Forever be vexed
His words holy and perfect
And His breathe like summer winds
He's the blessing without the cursing
And the one who's coming again!

He's kinda like
Dy-na-mite
The messiah TYPE A
And ain't chemical concoction
reciprocating His Holy name!
He's the lime-light of Heaven
And the laminin of the Galaxy
He's suspending the earth
By the sound of His voice
But He close enough to say that He's proud of me
SO I'LL SAY IT LOUD
JESUS!
THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT
JESUS!
J-E-S.U.S
The best
Alpha and Omega
His touches leads to cardiac arrest
Captivating the inner man
while putting a hold on bodily functions
Freezing time to purge iniquity
From every submitting and willing persons
with an iron rod
He's sworn to bash the face of wicked mischievousness spirits
But at the same time
He blesses your soul...
Speaking to you via the Fathers Sacred and Holy lyrics...
See His love was shown through His death
He was suffocated and physically suppressed
By His anguish, He hung naked exposed and undressed
He cried out for my soul
And mediated for me before the throne
And hung His head, and bought my freedom,
The key to my doorway back home…


(.hook.)
(.repeat.)
(.fin.)



(.T.HE. c.onclusio.n)
My plan was for you all to see that my codependency was directly linked to my personal sinning against the people that I was directly involved with. It’s so crazy because the very thing that God used in my life to bring me closer to Him, is what I justified in walking away from Him. The very situation that was linked to my capacity to commit my various acts of transgression was the thing that God initially let happen so that I could learn how to trust Him and why I should trust Him. He created me! So why shouldn’t I put my trust in the fact that He is watching over me, that He will not let me get trapped or defeated by anything. He always makes a way for my escape in my time of temptation. But I ran from this, unknowingly because I was blinded by my sin. And in my sinning, the fighting back toward other people (parents, pastors, friends, etc.) that I ran with, I was really fighting the Lord. It was His humbling hand and His admonishment that I so required to have my true freedom to live and move and have my being in Christ Jesus. The Lord is my portion and the Lifter of my head. He is the Glory that I shout about and the Light that shines in my paths.
It’s the Lord people! The Lord that has brought me back into a place where I have no logical or biblical right to enter into; that’s why I had to be married to Christ! =) I was dependent on people and was hurt when they wronged me willfully or not. But I needed to be reliant on Jesus, that’s where my hope lies! And that’s the true only hope that has entered into the world that has any plausibility to make a ground-shaking, chain-breaking change today! My heart is healed and my heart is filled with a new passion and reverence again. I pray that every reader is encouraged not to seek a testimony or try to concoct something to feel like they’ve came over a major situation. Just dare to trust the Lord! A testimony comes after a test, and tests are coming at us everyday! So seek for an opportunity to exercise your faith. And if you’re struggling in life and don’t know the Lord, know this. He is not constrained by a building, by an ideology, or by another person’s experience. The Lord wants consume you right where you are; in your room, or wherever. Ask Him to heal your broken heart, ask Him to forgive you, ask Him to restore your relationships, ask Him for His heart – ask Him to encounter you!
Grace and Peace Friends!
Marcus Christopher Hollinger
s.incere8.8



PART 3 – MUSIC
.cod.py (beneath the ruins and ashes) (codependency)

• Track 1 – Identity Theft
• Track 2 – Codependency
• Track 3 – Around the way girls
• Track 4 – the Pornography Portal
• Track 5 – Propaganda, Pessimism and Photoshop (the Media)
• Track 6 (Hidden Track) – A New Voice

I hope and pray to all that downloaded this body of work will receive clarity, truth, and direction pointed toward the throne room of Heaven, because that’s really my intention behind this. Honestly, this could be one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done in my life. Partly because it’s such a deep topic in my heart and a rigorous battle I fought for my entire life; but I know with exposing my true nature, allowing Jesus to fill up my body again and regurgitating it back out into a lost and hurting world, not only will God get the glory, but in Him being glorified, He will completely bless your soul and allow you to come to Him to receive all that He has for you. He just wants your heart. Even it’s been broken and wounded like mine has, even if it has other lovers like mine had. Even when you think that he doesn’t want you anymore like I did. He simply wants you to see Him for yourself, and with expositions like mine, my goal is to aid you in seeing Him better, by understanding your conditions in the process. I’ve found that the more I understand God, the more I understand what place my circumstances should take. And the clearer I see Him, the more muddy the things of this world that try to separate me from His love become. And the more Faith I have, the freer I become. And the more truth I adhere to, the more fulfilling I become in His presence where there is fullness of Joy!
But I could go one all day really – lol. But each track represents a dominant issue I faced through my struggle and the music, as you will see, is constructed as an auditory painting of the subject matter presented. Enjoy your flight! – Shalom!











PART 4 – CLOSING REMARKS
I really hope you all have enjoyed this expository work from yours truly. This truly has been my first piece of official work that I have ever produced and distributed to other people. Funny thing is, when I was writing most of this stuff, I had no clue that I would one day present it to anyone for any reason, because I was convinced that no one would really care about what I was going through much less who I am or what I do. This justified the push for this to be presented to you. I honestly don’t care if only 2 people read and download the music or if 2,000 people do I just knew that I had to be obedient and give the Lord praise for what He’s doing. It does my soul such a good work to know that this project literally took my lifetime to be birthed and 6 years to ultimately write out. It’s exceedingly difficult for me to sit back and act like God ain’t sovereign. Because without Him the confirmation in my freedom wouldn’t be possible it actually wouldn’t exist; because apart from Him freedom is impossible to ascertain. In fact apart from the work of God in my heart, there’s nothing good in me that deserves anything righteous that he’s bestowed upon me. Nothing I possess that can persuade His love to come upon me. I love Him now because He first loved me. He has taught me how to love and He has taught me how to forgive. His voice has forced a stop to my dissention and perniciousness. My personal sinning drove Him out of my life, and because of my selfishness, I kept Him at bay. I locked Him away from my soul because I didn’t understand His great love for me and how far and how deep it runs for my soul. He loves me so much that in my wickedness, in my hatred; He waited for me to come back to Him. He waited like a Father whose child has been away and desires for a touch from His son again. To grab His face and kiss it. To put a ring on his finger and put a robe on his back and to feed him and to put him at the end of the table next to Him. That’s what Jesus has offered to me for inflicting wounds upon Him and crying out crucify Him along with the Sanhedrin and the religious establishment of 30 A.D. I cried set Barabbas the murder free, when I committed sexual sin in the back of my car 3 summers ago. I cried crucify Him, when I hated everything about my father and my mother and wouldn’t forgive them for their mistakes and short-comings. I scoured Him on His chest when I gave a false testimony to people. I spat in His face, when I gave up on my calling and ran from Him… And I watched Him bleed when I sat in my room alone for days and built up strife towards people, hating them for what they didn’t do, or didn’t say to make me feel like another human being…
He cried Father forgive him, for he knows not what he does, and He referenced me. Not somebody else, not someone strong enough to handle a harsh word…Just Me. marcus. Not matter what I did or said, He forgave me and loved me. So to you the reader. This is my story of tragedy and triumph, that has met Jesus at the foot of His alter…
THE CODEPENDENCY PROJECT