(A Cold Heart of Stone) Bitterness Manifested into Selfishness

I don't even know why i feel this way
I feel as if i could hate you for the rest of my life
I get convinced that my dispositions are right - but its strife
That I'm fueled by, amped up to yell in your face
And tell you to like you told me, to go Hell and leave this place
I'm angry at your actions and im sick of fighting you internally
Every time i see your face my heart involuntarily starts to bleed
But i need you to listen
For once, tune your ears and understand me
Because i can't live like this and continue to call it family
I cant talk to you without wanting to make you pay for all the wrong things you've done
That you did without thinking, and you done them to a son
For fun, maybe, but why then do i cry like a new born baby
Who's neglected but your choice weapon of selfishness, im left perplex'ted
I feel naked and unusual or an unusable tool
Im ostracized outside the city like a Samaritan
Jerusalem's fool
Im unprotected and ill-witted
Unequipped in a world of monsters
But ive grown to realize that you're one of them
A thought that i didn't conjure - up
Or think on my own, its the produce of your own fore thoughts
Its the fruit of your labor
But you walk around like a hardwired robot
Being swayed by popular cultures trapeze of endless twirls and circles
You follow anything that keeps you comfortable
A run from being exposed
and its sickens me!
Ive hated myself because you seemingly didn't want me
Ive wanted to die and be forgotten
And with your actions you said, " Go ahead.."
My condition is smitten, but lost and confused
Tossed and abused
Raped and molested
Festering and not connected
Head ached and falsely concepted
Maliced and biased
Forgetful and out of time
And
A liar without compliance
Im a hardcore case of opportunity
I want unity
Only if it works for my good in the end
And my immunity
You won't speak I'll do more devious
I'll use the media to upset your precepts and tell you wants next!
You can't get aggressive enough to stop me
I'll pop 3 with a prime NRA grip of choice
And make noise that men or war hate hearing
Yet are favorite toys for little boys
Im not scared anymore, im fearless
And dont try and stop me
Ill retaliate with indignance that's filled with
Retribution and contaminated pen ship
I should mention that I can grow up on my own
Don't call me on the phone
To try and ask how im doing
Eventually you start calling me away, shooing...
I get angry till im blue in the face
Smurfed up with contusions and abased
Called your disgrace
And left for dead, and locked up into another place
I dont even know who i am - or what i culd be - or what ive become
I flying by the seat of my pants
In these mixed world
But you brought me here and gave me nothing
Tried to hope that i would figure out on my own
And i have and ive hated you for it
'Cause i wake up, only to get hit by a forklift
and my dreams are constantly shattered
And i can't ignore it like you can
I just wish that you would love me
Whatever your battling, i wish you would give in
and come and hug me
I wish my mother felt comfortable with you
I wish you 2 would grow together
and die to each others rights and wishes
and become interdependent
But you're withheld and withdrawn
Holding it in and somethings wrong
And you refuse to talk about it
That's why i write this song.....

Because im sick of the silence
I wanna break free from my depression
Cause im in step with thoughts of topless females for my soulish medicine
Since 2008 til 2010
I acted out my debauchery and blatantly committed sin
Ive been boxed up and trapped, chocking on lies and all the while
No one questioned my integrity, or challenged what was behind my smile
I wondering why do i even have to cry like this
WHY!
Why must i have to feel this silent pain that i can't tell to anyone
Why am i so alone
Why is there no person in my life that's willing to just sit and listen
WHY
Why must i go on lie this
Why do you still not care?
Why do i feel like you hate me?
Why do i feel like i hate you?
Why is there no truth?
and only compromise
Why has my heart, that i thought was always pliable and soft, turned into a breeding ground for unforgiveness and solitary confinement?


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