I've Closed Down My Heart For Repairs

(annouce title) - because the part that was initially there has been taken to utter despair
I'm grippin' my sheets
every week
and i can't sleep
my knees are weak
my eyes leak
'cause I'm a type of a lost sheep..

Every conversation opens a void that i can't seem to close
Cause i really wanna talk to you, but I'm constantly opposed
I'm froze, locked up, as a POW-U, yeah you heard what i said
I'm walking around as a prisoner of words unsaid
Words slurred, un-dead, walking and living - seemingly - but only existing
Empty and grimacing
My cellophane's my nice smile
But my pain runs deeper than Shyne's release files
I'm locked up in a straight jacket of offenses and grim intent
So acknowledge this..
I'm absolutely Done Everyday, Affirmed in Detriment
Check the Doppler-Radar, my hearts Yelling through a fence
I'm defeated and depleted
Convinced for your opinion once, but i no longer need it
'Cause you won't give me your time anymore
Conniving Conceited...

So I'm done wasting words
Ive shut the door to my heart
Melted the key in an exhaust
Of a running, parked car
And watched my chance to have you again
Melt away in despair
As my time with you
I see now....
Was never really there....




.f.in.
Pre-Repentance (Summer of 2011)

deeper than the oceans

Your love for me intrigues
And dares me to try and breathe
A breath without your oxygen
Felling like a canopy without leaves...
.and yet you're deeper than the oceans.
======
You have a lake of fire
That's only meant to consume
The things you don't want me to have
(that i keep locked away in a room / a closet / a catacomb / a notebook / a secret /
A violent act of indecent style behavior
Patterned to my sinful nature -
Born with this 'don't ask, don't tell'
Concerning my exact thoughts and motives,
Is what you said to give to the light...
And now I'm exposed...
.and you're deeper than the oceans.
======
Yet the heterosexual tendencies - beg me to please
This yearning of the flesh, and to have a womb within possession
That's why when a she comes in my paths
I guess that's why I constantly ask
"Is she the one to raise my seeds from?"
Thoughts running fast - I fall into temptation half in half with hesitation
And let thoughts of compromise start to shift/drift into a wrestle
With my spirits right teaching
And my fluctuating feeling's that need Jesus' breaching.
'Cause she can never complete me like the Most High
who is the Operator of Integrity
And Truth's untold by.
.and yet you're deeper than the oceans.
======
Afro-centric figures scattered across the political systems / arena /
Can't even compare to your sound wisdom
So one shouts 'Eureka!'
'I found it' and 'by George that Man's got it!'
Money Money Money MUNAHHH!!
but yet our envious heart is distraught-ed
See He's the Easter basket
The gift to us - the knowledge - the builder of rapport
The original race maturity ward
The giver of peace and love - strength and authority
The perfect special someone who's constantly crying
"stop ignoring me."
.and your love is deeper than the oceans.
======
We cannot comprehend this unconditional love
That reads no shell size or colors
Just character and intent -
Knowledge will pass but wisdom lives on
And love will always prevail
Because of the rock that it's built upon
...
And I ask if you've ever seen a pair of eyes that my savior didn't die for?
Have you ever witnessed a dead child, who's mother couldn't cry for?

Have you closed your eyes
And imagined a day
That you could
SOAR
FLAP
ASCEND
.....
.and fly away?.

So can you beloved, even with eyes open today..
Plummet into the depth of His love for you...
.that's deeper than the oceans.


.i love you.


.sincere.

lecherousness

And so it begins - the conscience within
Is stimulatively connected to sin.
I've tried to act like I've walked past it, but the pain is that which won't subside.
But an act of a patriarchal glorified 'do goodie' only proved me - in reality - to be a victim of good booties.

Watching Erica Campbell and licking my lips to the satisfaction of lust,
never ever wanting to leave this place - never ever having enough.
I can taste in my atmospheric midst that surrounds / the reels / that continue to play the picture...
that i see with my eyes - visualizing myself with her.

Her in my hands - and continually rejecting God's plan - to stand firm and outstandingly pursuing the righteousness - that makes a sound man.
All the while I'm still salivating, waiting, contemplating and hesitating -
Plus my hearts racing
By the imagery - its my makeshift
I'm nearly fainting!
Cause it's realer than most - But I'm only like rocking the PlayStation.
...


...

.....

So what do i want?
Love or Lust?
Lies or Trust?
Anarchy or Harmony?
Condemnation or Emancipation?

How do i figure out what ticks turn my tocks?
And how much faith do I have when faced with the cops? -
Of my own personal prison cell of thoughts and motives
A motif of musical hierarchy -
And yet i just stroll in -
And out - back and forth
wrestling with my advice -
to understanding wisdom
and with holy admonishment - never think twice.

But concerning the treacherous past
I've now inherited my forgiveness of being and opportunist
and never asking permission.

I know where my love lies in this day and time
It lies in truth and in integrity
In patience and understanding.
In boldness and in valor.
In good report and in faithfulness.
In stewardship and in praise
In thanksgiving and in righteous dialogue.

In warm nights and in overcast mornings/
sunrises and sunsets...

and in moments of youth - and in your safety I'm joining....

.righteous and forgiven, from my lecherous past.



.sincere.