Introvert

I always feel this way
I feel as if everything I submit to others
Selfishly gets thrown away
I feel like I submit love and acceptance
Understanding and good moral
To people that I know or once knew
And yet they step all over my shoes
I feel like what I give is never what I get back
No matter what I try to do
I always get back from people
An attack
I let myself die to wants, desires and needs
And try to open myself up
As a safety net to people
But they trample over me like leaves
They chew me up and spit me out
Over and over again
And never think about
My feelings
My wishes
My stance or my opinion
They even try to get slick
By asking what I think
But I know its just another facade
Another way of pacifying me
Just long enough
So they think that I won't think what I could be thinking
But its past too late
You always know how a person see's you by the way that they respond
And this black cloud of hate always keeps me from seeing dawn
'Cause I once was a spawn
A fawn of emotional freedom and recompense
But these feelings I have now
Kept me at bay, ever sense
The first foreshadow of dealing with the human condition arrived
I was so ill equipped I would constant duck down
Run and hide
Because good character and moral won't deal with this type of malice
It's only a fruit of whats on the inside
But I've forever long been so good at dealing with the outside
Rather than the inside
I tried to look like I had it all together
And tried to be a really good person
I tried to help people throughout it all too
But it's impossible to do this and succeed
Because sin has a festering, perpetual, unstoppable bleed
That can't be fixed by merely making life changes
It can only be fixed by being inter fixed, betwixt the Love of the Most High
You'll die if you love politics
And you'll waste your life trying to be good on your own standards
Like I used to
I tried and tried
But my heart was so seared
I was afraid of letting people know what I was dealing with
Because they already had me on such a high petastool anyway
I just lived up to their expectations
And dealt with it all
Introverted
The place where I became misguided and perverted
In shackles of oppression
The place that I dare not enter
But constantly go...

Never Been

More than a list of things I didn't accomplish -

This is an introduction to my life's dissertation

I guess you’d say confession

The threshold to life’s promise.

Transparency to my inner inerrancy

Staring at the mirror and wondering whose starring back at me.

See the truth is that I’ve never been good at saying how I truly feel

Even when I have enough time to write it and recite it

My mind still is successful at dividing

The truth from a lie

Feeling from logic

Fact from fiction

Glory from shame

Light from dark

Happiness from sadness

Too bad it’s never quite worked out for me in the long run

As I’ve put all of my trust in acting like another man’s son.

Imitating the gestures and phrases of moguls

From popular culture

Reciting their idea’s while starving myself

Making an easy clean up for vultures.

Copy-catting the portrayal of what it is to be a man

While continually

Succumbing in bitter defeat to this secret peer-pressure

Again and again.

It’s an inner toil and tussle

Where I can’t even move a muscle

As my vain attempts to speak up for myself

Drown in political make-up

Like the Royal Palace of Brussels.

When you think you know who you are

How do you know that it’s true?

How do you know that what you’re trying to be, is really for you?

Cause I’ve never been the kid that gets his first kiss after school

Never been the best man at my best friend’s wedding

Never been rich enough to eat Cordon Bleu

Never been brave

Never been confident

Never been full of faith

Never been late.

Never been happy

Never been fulfilled

Never been amplified

Never been real.

Never been true

Never been open

Never been a finisher

Never been a fool.

Never been emotional

Never been alive

Never been wanted by someone

They never could deny.

Never knew why I felt that way until I was introduced to the Gospel

I never knew I had worth

Never knew that I was chosen for love since birth.

Never consistent

Never unashamed

Never filled with continuity

Never been a living proclamation of Yankee Ingenuity

Never been first place

Never been last

Never been absent from class

Never been happy with my racial or socio-economic class

Never been good enough

Never been smart enough

Never even been good enough to die

Never been happy about what makes me alive.

Never ever been free from the grips of lust

Never ever have I been one that I myself could trust.

Never been happy

Never been hopeful

Never been paraded like a mogul

Never been impressed upon to shape another man’s life like the Pope do.

……

…..

….

…

..

.

I’ve never been happy about myself.

And the truth is, I never will.

How can I be happy at this state?

Inconsistent

Hopeless

Frightful

Codependent

And full of Hate.

I need something I’ve never had before to be what I’ve never been

Because I’ve never been honest with myself about my dormant hidden sin.

The plague of mankind that can’t be seen with the naked eye

But is always recognized when you’re freed from the fear to die.

It takes something unrecognizable to our moral standards

To free a man who’s riding the roads of life alone on a tandem.

He’s never been submitted

Never been acquitted

Never been accompanied

Never been lead

Always been alone.

Always living his life to himself

Always flying by the seat of pants

Never once asking for anyone else’s help.

Never made to his destination

Always waiting

Always procrastinating

Never finishing

Quick to be his own plaintiff.

Fighting only to loose

Mad at his pops for not giving him the keys to life

Fighting everybody with hard strife.

Doing his own thing

Justified in his own head

That what he said is what he is

And what is he is what he said.

Living for a puffed up propose

Middle finger to the air

Reckless in his intellectual intent

To force God to be fair.

Struggling inward

But lying to rest of the world

That he got it all together

His heart’s intent changes like the weather.

He judges people by their actions

And judges himself by his intentions

Squirms at any idea different from his to mention.

Never been keen to need more than good thoughts

About himself and the universe

As he continues to give himself props.

For thinking outside of the box

Lying to himself again

Like his thoughts are going to give him what it takes to be a man.

I’d be lying if I said that I’ve never been him

Because the truth is every day

I wake up in his skin.

I wake up having never been more than my thoughts

As I down trodden into an abyss of oughts.

See…

I’ve never been much of anything

Just a young man mad at God demanding the world to give me a reason to believe in Him.

Like it’s all up to them.

Lying to myself again.

I’ve never been happy because I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY.

It’s not anyone else’s fault or responsibility to make this happen for me.

So as I begin to denounce what I’ve never became

Let me reintroduce to you a thought process free from shame.

Since I’ve never been

I couldn’t BE own my own accord

I needed a Savior, a Redeemer, one to whom I could call Lord.

One who could develop me into everything that I’m not

One who could transform my position right there on the spot

And ever since that day

I’ve never been more grateful

Never been more thankful

Never been more filled to the brim

Never been more elated

Never been more intrinsically happy within.

Never been more confident

Never been more patient with others

As I see how the love of this God has not and will not

Ever give up on me.

Apart from Him, I’ll always never be

But partnered with Him

I live my life in HD

I live my life in candid apparel

As I destroy my old boxes

And throw away my empty barrels

Of self-consciousness and malice

I traded it all for a living palace

And His word seals my heart

Making unto to Him like a golden chalice.

I’ve never been graced to say

That this world I’m living in

Can also be yours

Don’t settle for a tour

Run past the threshold of His wide open door

That ushers you into His presence

Leaving your old clothes on the floor.

Trade it all

Your have not’s and wants

Desperation's and Questions

The ultimate answer

My God, He’s waitin’.

The Enemy in the Mirror

The Enemy in the Mirror

Some days I hate you.

Most days I can’t stand you.

My only competition in this race called life,

And all my efforts are to sedate you.

Frustrate you

Make you unhinged

Beat you at mind games

Play and toy with your emotions

As I pull and tug your chains.

Attempting to make you go insane

And self-destruct

Running amok

Dangling a carrot in front of your face

Only promising success to you by luck.

As I tempt you and trick you

Lie to you and hide from you

While I circumvent your every persuasion

Causing your constant hesitation.

Your constant bouts with trepidation

Can only lead to one explanation

That your wounds are the fruition

Of another man’s premeditation.

So I’ll boast high and wide

That my trophy will suffice

Even though it foreshadows the man whose winnings

May turn to demise.

Even though we collide

I take pride in beating this guy

The biggest loser of all time

And my most favorite of goodbyes.

The itch I can’t wait to scratch

The birth place or hatch

Of my most diabolic schemes and plots

Aimed at the brim of his hat.

But how long must I dis-join my body’s different members

To strike this opponent

Leaving him under my surrender?

He doesn't even fight me back

Not a single swing or punch

I've tried making him cough up

His yesterday’s lunch.

But he doesn't even buy it

All the while I feel his cold hard stare

As I attempt to thrust him in the air

And send him air borne

Crashing to the concrete

Helpless in defeat

I even try to rub dirt in his face

As gravel crackles under my feet.

Vibrant am I

Never discreet

As I raise my hands in victory

Only to be standing over a man

That will always look like me.

The Biggest Loser

Dictionary.com defines the term 'competition' as: the act of competing; rivalry for supremacy, or a prize, etc.; also a contest for some prize to win, honor, or advantage; the rivalry offered by a competitor.

So much of our lives today get marked, motivated, lead and influenced by to aspect of competition - whether it’s in the ring of academics, athletics, politics, business, social status, popular culture, military advancements, technology, work environments, religion and pretty much every other aspect of Western Civilization.

The truth is that because being competitive is so embedded in our society and our perspectives, no matter what situation we could possibly be in, at any given time, the need to have a winner or a loser, to some degree, is always understood, hoped for and pushed to ultimately attain.

What do you gain by you actually 'winning' in anything?

Whether it’s winning an argument with somebody, or being better than another person at something or smarter than them because you remembered something that they couldn't recall when the call to respond on a topic presented itself.

What is it all for?

Clout? Respect? Bragging rights? Keeping the ‘weaker’ person emotionally depended on you? Manipulation for personal gain of influence?

Isn't the core of winning based upon your ability to be able to perform at the given time of the contest?

Kinda sounds like the sports industry huh - or really everywhere you could choose to look, because frankly, we can’t escape the need to compete even if we wanted to.

The amazing thing about the Gospel message that Jesus preached over 2,000 years is that, He says that in God's eyes, because we've looked to ourselves, and our abilities and our knowledge to succeed, prosper or 'win' in this life apart from God being the source of our accomplishments, we've actually lost everything that we could have possibly held on to qualify ourselves, through ourselves, to be ‘winning’ or to be a success.

Literally, we are the biggest loser.

When you look throughout history, how many civilizations have attempted to get ahead or to advance or to grow their empires or establish their footprint in known history, only to eventually fail and to have a legacy that always has ended in defeat, shame or even total surrender and apparent loss in some cases?

I can’t name or find one that has passed into the ‘winning circle’.

See that’s the beauty of the Gospel, our sin, though it has lead us astray as we live in enmity with God, has been championed by Jesus who has restored us back into right relationship with God by giving Himself for our sin.

So what does completion specifically have to do with the Gospel?

Because the way in which we compete and use competition causes us to live as if we don’t need God, and if we even do, it’s always on a conditional basis.

The bible tells us that in our weakness, we are made strong in the Lord and in the power of His might; so if my dealings in any relationship that I may have are coming from a place of being better than, smarter than, faster than, wiser than, holier than anyone else, I have now moved away from a position of total reliance on God and into the realm of doing things for myself by myself.

Literally for us, every day that we aren’t reading His word, submitting our thoughts to Him in prayer, seeking His direction for the course of our lives and asking Him to intervene for us in the situations we face, we are making ourselves available for complete and total failure.

If we’ve historically lost because of thinking that we don’t need Him to live, what makes us think that it will magically be different for us now?

By nature we compete to win but it’s always at someone else’s expense and sadly this is the way that competition works.

It’s impossible to win without someone else being at some form of an expense to be your second best, runner up or just plain not good enough to finish first.

The Gospel doesn’t even the playing field with losers and winners in this life; the Gospel streamlines man’s (mankind’s) ambitions to live and shows him (us) that our aspirations apart from God, will take us beyond getting over on other people and lead us into being separated from God because we allow ourselves to be taken over by our said passions and desires. God wants all of us, even the side of us that wants to defeat foes and fight enemies and attain personal gains because of it. He wants that side of us too, because that side is the very thing that will cause us to lose everything that we call ourselves working for.

·         Some women lose their husbands in marriage because of the unwillingness to submit to the natural order that God has designed for marriage. They want to compete for individuality, emotional control and consent and out of fear that a man could actually do what God has called him to do; without realizing that their selfishness is the very thing that’s truly keeping them away from being an individual in the first place.

·         Some men lose their wives in marriage because they feel the need to conquer their spouse and to compete with the inconsistent and often times unorthodox demands that her emotions need from time to time by forcing her to steer every feeling she has, without loving and understanding what her need really is and providing that for her.

·         Some people compete with themselves so much so that there is no room for error and they fight internally to constrict and bound themselves up, from themselves, at any given time for any given reason. You see this in religion all of the time. Where a person is so devout that they will mutilate themselves in more ways than one so that they can have mastery over themselves.

The thing is that the list really goes on but I pray that you really grasp the concept I’m showing you today, and that’s this:

Competition has, can, and will with no resolute or conformity, take your living self away from you and dare you to try and take it back.

Don’t live in competition with anybody, including you.

The road is so lonely, that after you achieve everything you set yourself after, you’ll now spend the rest of your life trying to scramble together the pieces of a broken life while you try to figure out how you could have possibly lost everything though you’ve attained everything.

Having everything and yet possessing nothing.

That’s the harsh reality of letting competition fuel your life.

I challenge you to allow God to be your Vindicator, your Ambassador, your Beneficiary, your Confidant, your Captain, your Truth, your Source, your Supply and most importantly, your Motivation.

Doing this is as easy as asking Him to forgive you for letting your life turn in opposition to His guidance, because I feel that if you’re honest enough with yourself, you’ll recognize that God has been trying to get ahold of you for quite some time now.

The bible says not to harden your heart, but to literally allow Him to speak to you and to let His word judge your heart so that you could be free from condemnation and alive to live and move and have your total being in Him.

That’s the beauty of all of this! His word is not attempting to separate you, hurt you or condemn you! His word is there so that we could have a road map to lead us back to His presence when we go astray. It’s also there to give us a play by play text of how we are to live out our lives now that we’ve given up on competition.

Literally I mean that God has developed a way to replace the life we used to live so that we could remain free from the things that so easily entangles us and traps us, keeping us away from a relationship with Him.

Don’t just take my word for anything, I encourage you to go and hit the texts in scripture and see if I’m right about what His word says concerning what it takes to really be a winner in this life and then judge yourself where you’re at, in honesty, and really answer the question:

Who am I, and Why am I here?

Marcus C. Hollinger

i can't read through the bible without seeing so many references to plants
but most specifically a tree
Psalms 1 even starts out its praise declaration talking about a man
being compared to one--
Psalms 1:1-3
"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers."

The bible even references Joseph who we know is the one that was Jacob's favorite son, calling him such a tree described in the 3rd verse of Psalm 1.

But this is what I want to really go home with.

The tree is an incredible picture of not just one particular man, but it's a picture of what God has designed for us to look like now that we are in Christ.

If you look at a tree is has many benefits to offer. -

it bears fruit.

it produces shade.

It provides clean oxygen for us to breathe.

It's a home for woodland creatures.

it can even serve as a way to find your self back home when you're lost.

I've thought about how it operates and God has been dealing with me about a specific topic as of late.

That topic is submission.

The thing about submission is that the word and concept get a really bad wrap.

Especially if your the type of person that has dealt with religion in your life.

You hate anything and any form of anything that looks like, sounds like, or carries itself intentionally to be 'religious'.

Gods been dealing with me about this because I've been one of those type of people that has not dealt with religion, but married it in my past life.

But what I want to show you is how submission+commitment=a fruitful tree; and I want to do so by paralleling the picture of a tree and the concept of the truth of the word of God.

When talking about submission and the Gospel, they both go hand in hand.

In fact, the very reason why someone would give their life away to God in devotion to Him is the ultimate act of submission in it of itself.

Everything that has to do with coming to God, initially deals with you laying yourself, your thoughts and your aspirations so that God can show you how to live your life.

We can't even pray and ask in faith apart from humbling ourselves before God.

1 Peter 5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

James 1:5-8 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

These are just a few but the point I'm making is that the bible literally teaches us how to come before God word for word.

It leaves out nothing so that we can have full confidence in knowing that God will do what He said that He's gonna do.

The amazing thing is, this act of submission produces something within us.

And that's commitment.

Think about it.

The more that you spend time with someone, the more that you not only start to talk like them, but the more that in your relationship with them, you develop an allegiance or a bond with them, right?

We call it friendship, and most people have close friends and associates.

The close friends always get the phone call when you're having a bad day or when you are in dire need of something. 

The associates don't.

The the act of submission is seen in your close relationships too, as it is with God.

When you let them borrow money for something but you tell them that you're not looking for it back in return, you're submitting your will to theirs so that they can go through what ever it is that they were going through that would cause them to ask you for help.

Asking for help is submission in it of itself but so is reaching out to help someone.

It even goes deeper than that; sometimes you have to do things that you really don't want to do AT ALL but you submit to your friends request

Why?

Because you love them and you care about their feelings.

Friends this is what submission looks like in real time - we call it commitment.

We see our inward submission expressed outwardly in our commitment to the people that we love.

And in the same way, our devotion to God is also shown to the people around us.

We don't have to run around telling people that we're submitted to God because they should be able to see it in us by our commitments to Him.

It may look like this but isn't exclusive to- 

going to your local church, 

ministering to people that are in need of the Love of God through the Gospel Message, 

taking care of the physical needs of people, 

even encouraging someone in the faith to keep moving forward.

These are just a few, but God really challenged me with this question

"Where does your commitments lie?"

It was a difficult question for me because I felt humbled already that He would ask me that unless i was in need of some pruning.

But it was a hard-hitting question, because so often do we commit to things just so that someone else can see our production, but inwardly, we aren't really submitting to anything out of a right heart under humility.

If there's one thing that I've had to continually swallow when it comes to my walk with God, its learning how i die so that another person can live.

I've had to die to my dreams of being a basketball star so that the real person of Marcus could live for God; up until that point I was only existing.

I've had to die to old relationships so that they could see Jesus rather than my indifference to God and how they lived their lives.

It's tough talk but it's true.

The thing about the bible is that Jesus gives us the opportunity to die to ourselves only to find our answers and true clarity in Him.

Luke 9:23-25 "Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?"

So the question in submission is what are you willing to sacrifice so that God may show you what life looks like?

What are you willing to risk so that the Life of God may be manifested in you?

Or are you satisfied by living your life by lying to yourself and attempting to convince yourself that you're really happy...

I've heard it said like this, 'character is best seen in a man when he is alone.'

Alone.

When no one else is around, how do you think about people?

How you think about yourself?

I'm not gonna lie I've failed this test from hating myself inwardly, to watching porn and not telling anybody about it.

And God says that until I would submit myself to Him, I would never be free.

The freedom comes when the Spirit of God takes root in your life and starts to make the equal sign in our equation mentioned at the beginning.

A fruitful tree.

That's the end result of staying connected to the vine that is in Christ Jesus - living a laid down faith-filled life that is shown in your fruitful character that water manufactured by the Spirit of God.

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

So lets go back to the tree again.

The amazing thing about a tree is that the only life it has is the life that God designed for it.

IT'S TOTALLY SUBMITTED TO ITS PURPOSE.

I've never seen a tree talk or drive a car or chase down animals for food.

It's purpose is fulfilled just by being planted.

God takes care of the rest!

And that's where we need to be - PLANTED

So that God can take care of the rest!

Tree's don't bear fruit on it's own, God gave it DNA to do so.

Tree's don't plant themselves, but God designed for it to shed seeds so that many more trees can be planted all around it as well as other parts of the world.

But no tree can do this process alone.

It needs the wind to have it's seed carried.

It needs water to drink so that is can grow and it needs sunlight so that it can reproduce itself.

The Tree has such an infinite concept to me now because I see myself in it now.

If I stay submitted in the purpose and plan that God has for me, I can be committed to my sphere of influence that he has designed for me to have, and in due season, as long as I stay connected to what he told me to stay connected to, the fruit has to come!

And if He can feed the tree, the fox and the birds - how much more will He fulfill my needs?

If you stay submitted, your commitment will encourage the people around you and at the same time, God will develop things in you that you couldn't even imagine.

You can't bear fruit alone, and you can't succeed in this life apart from the knowledge of God.

And I challenge you, that maybe you've struggled with submission and commitment issues in the past like I have with positions of authority - 

Lay them down at the alter and submit your life to God.

Maybe you've been a person that has given your heart to God but you've taken it back and ignored His call to come back - friends I want to tell you that it is a BEAUTIFUL surrender to give your life to God.

It's not burdensome or laborious, but rather blessed.

Don't just take my word for it, I challenge you to stop making up your ideas of what God should be, and submit to His word and let Him develop in you a new man that has life and life more abundantly.

Make refuge in Him and grow to be all that He has called you to be.

Marcus C. Hollinger

Psalms 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."

(fear of flying)

A message to the listener -

Dear Reader...

To start off this exposition
I will refuse to attempt to be didactic, super spiritual, flaky, or religious
By any means, type, sort, or function
Because I'm lacking the vernacular to adequately capture
His immaculate stature, and His love for Mary Magdalene
But still i grab this torch, and use His word like a lit match
And then attempt

To make an accurate depiction of His Majesty...

But let's go back a bit
So I can relate, and expose my heart's true conditions 
My marriage to the soul killer, eloping with Religion
I practiced righteousness with consistency in being didactic
But convinced the lost and hurting

With my actions

To go play in some bad traffic
I've received knowledge from Gnostic's
And gotten ‘Words of Wisdom’ from Prophets
But lived my natural life as a spiritual amateur - equivalent to a novice
Shaken hands with dope dealers
While striking pose's in the club
Making out with chicks i just met - that were lit off prescription drugs
Was listless towards the Body of Believers
And hated Christianity
Breathing threats of disdainment
Poking fun and using profanity
Ready to put my father in the hospital
For overly neglecting my immediate family
For trying to hurt my mother
I blocked out everything that he was saying to me
I've licked my lips to the satisfaction
Off of women in scantily clad clothing
Nude women from just right to plus size
Images lead me to self-groping
Was hurt by the lies my Pastor told me
More specifically, what he didn't say
I blamed him for the fact that i had gone astray
I've been woken up by demonic spirits
Holding my body down like death holds a person in a casket
Hand over my mouth like a tight mask - it's
So hard to breathe, and my heart would pump feverishly drastic
And the laughter of this lame called 'shame'
Would haunt me for days after the arrest
Had never met him, but i knew him before he came
My identity has been a misconstrued - dismantled - an overly trampled version
Of a zombie type, emotionless - disgruntled dangerous, cage-less animal
I've boiled over more times than a neglected tea kettle
And popped off like Latifa in the 'set it off girls' while winning a gold metal
Justified my actions while using the excuse of being practical and pragmatic
But been a stench in the nostrils of God giving off the aroma of bad cabbage
Wasted money on things that i can't even tell you where they now are
Having to scrape my life up off the ground after being run over by a car

I've question every relationship that I've ever possibly had
Including the most prolific one - between the Father God - i call Him dad
And He used to call me son
Until I was seduced by His antagonist
I married His arch rival
Having psychological intercourse with all her lavishes
Her tone of being prone to invincibility
And freedom from being vulnerable
Was tempting enough for me to pack my stuff up
Saying 'I'm going home with you!'
She called me away from sound leadership
Showing me that I didn't need any spiritual guidance
That I could trust her knowledge of self - and she would be my protector, 
My provider...
Taught me how to be rhetorical and polished
Re-introduced me unknown tongues
Told me I'll never let you go my love
So on her truth I hung
She confirmed my hearts cries and justified my insecurities
And helped me hide my true nature, selling a definite cure for me
Blinded me to immutable facts about the origin of beauty, goodness, the Nature of God's Love, the truth's that operating outside of what the 'anti-Agape' church walls does
I was dependent on her, and followed her hip twist like a home sick puppy
But in the end, it was God's saving power that only allowed her to merely cut me
Trust me, she was going for the kill like the bride pursued bill
And hit pressure points on my judgment until i fell down ill
And the pain of defeat and betrayal lied adjacent to my bed
As she walked back and forth over my still body not sure if i was dead
In my comatose, i was spiritually gritting my teeth 
While gripping the sheets
At a loss for reality
Daily and nightly
I couldn't sleep
I tossed and tumbled
Would rise and mumble
Like driving through a jungle on speed
Listening to Cambria and Coheed
But then God spoke a promise of trust...
It was Jesus or return early to the dust
And i was exhausted from the play fighting like Knuck if you Buck

And with everything in me, i got up clothed in various apparel and strangled my enemy
Mangled her face like a thousand bee stings or poisonous sea anemone
I beat religion with the only weapon i use that's partnered with love
It's hard like a fierce shove but gentle a white dove
It's faith in action

Also known as trust....

Truly and terrific 
Top of the line 
Terror to top dog's with dollars signs
Is the truth of the time
That's toppling over the subconscious mind
Take caution, and timidly
Think before you take immediate action
'Cause truth tip-toe's on the tomb 
The entrance to your hearts tavern

Revolutionarily rigorous
Right when you needed a raunchy reading
A rope-a-dope with Paul Oakenfold
That's telling you to slow your role preceding
Readily respective
Running the course
Regardless of what your used to too
Is this group of 'really rough and tough guys'
That's bringing you the good news!

Unconstrained from undermining
The untold stories of the ubiquitous
While unrelenting to understand this unity
Hoping that you get with this
Uncontrollable chaos 
Mixed with unfailing love
Understood stance of your position
With the Lord in the Heavens up above

Stories of laughter, 
And stepping stones to serious divine interventions
Saying I love you again
Being unhindered by vicarious scripture mentions
A sap to swell love songs
Circling the circumference of the Son of Man
Setting your seat sideways and saddled up
Soaking up the Presence of God on the Sabbath again

Telling all tales topical
Relating to those in tip top shape
To turn around for once
And seek to give with nothing to take
No longer tribal over trivial matters
Tripping over the stumbling block
'Cause my hearts been tattooed in Tatuine
Traveling to His lot and then stopped….

So I invite you in formally, to divorce any form or shred of what you know to be religion
And come into a place where you abandon your current trust system

The fact of the matter is that your normal way of living has lead you to a place where you’ve been stumbling and tripping

Slipping away down the slippery slope of the so called ‘American Dream’

You’ve tasted a piece of the cake of self-preservation

Indulged in the devil’s pie

The favorite desert for those of us who think that we know what we want, much less need, out of life

But only end up lying on hospital beds with hearts full of strife

My invitation is for you to go beyond intellectual breakthrough

And encounter the God who beautifully and wonderfully made you

The God that has only one righteous requirement for right standing

And that’s to trust Him totally leaning not on your own understanding

If you’re looking for lasting substance to trust

Then you’ve came to the right place

‘Cause my God prepared for you a home in His kingdom, and to you He’ll never turn away His face

He’s brought to you a glorious story, in sending His Son to experience dying

So that you’d be free…

From the (fear of flying.)

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? “The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:54-58

.s.incer.e. (88)

-The Dissertation-

I want you to understand something. The Fr3edom in Five is not an internet ploy to try and manufacture my own version of Christianity to the world, while I secretly plan my preemptive strikes to mentalities and perspectives on FB by artistically drowning my opponents with rhetoric and heavy opinion. In other words, I’m not a closet Christian afraid to talk about real life issues! And I don’t hide behind the internet to place my claims, or even validate them. Honestly, I think that the internet, if used wrongly, is a giant sea of useless information that doesn’t really get interpreted correctly, much less taught in honesty. It’s a waste of time to be honest with you. You have to really hunt now a days to find the facts online because there’s so much information posted every second that you’d have to be something like a Rhodes Scholar or a Jewish Scribe just to filter out the nonsense.

I’m writing you this as a letter to your soul or even an invitation to your heart and mind, and it’s taken 5 projects to really develop the nuts and bolts of the message but I thank God that throughout the time allotted, I’ve learned even more about myself than I ever could have thought that I could’ve learned in the time span of 2 years. And the more I’ve learned about myself, the more that I’ve been exposed by the bible and by the Holy Spirit of how much that I really need a Savior, and how I wasn’t made to do anything, ANYTHING alone, much less apart from God. From my issues with Codependency, Loneliness, Pornography, and Fear, one could, and would be very well accurate in assuming that I could have been a rape victim. In actuality, those are key emotional responses and mental strongholds for those that have been raped before; some other emotions include outbursts of anger, depression, and self-hatred. But the truth is I haven’t been physically raped by any person. Actually I’m still a virgin, and I’m proud to say that I’ve kept myself for the woman whom I plan to marry and call my own next summer =) And I’m stupid in love with her! So even sex I haven’t experienced in the physical sense. The truth is, me like many other men today, have dealt with rape in a much different sense. The kind of rape I’m referring to is being molested by illegitimate affections that you have no outlet or safety net to fall on so that you can deal with them properly. We live in a time where the powers that be have created a system by design, that subjects men and women to their internal struggles and perversions; in fact it’s often times exploited and used for profit(the pornography industry). The world today is kept afloat by random needs wants and desires that have no bearing, no justification, no substance, sometimes even no consequence. We live in a world, that literally lives by the motto “do what thou wilt, this shall be the whole of the law…” A. Crowley –

And this is exactly what we do; we live as if the only thing that matters is our preservation of self, but the reality is that we can’t fool ourselves into thinking that our true nature doesn’t exist. The truth is, we are still unhappy, still envious of the things that other people have, still unsatisfied with what life gives us or has dealt to us, still mad at our parents, still rebellious against any ideas or factions of true genuine freedom, and ultimately, still deeply rooted in our obsession to the fact that we seemingly HATE everything that there is to do with God, Christ Jesus, and His church. So much so that we live our lives hating and antagonizing any form of organization, truth, standard, or regulation; because it’s all falsely made and has no real effect on society nor has it shaped who we are and where we are today; nor will it do so. See, this is the shallow world of atheism that is usually the foundation of the New Age movement and its spiritual connectivity to any and everything that looks like it has or will transcend this dying world to a better form of living, thinking and existing. But yet even when we get to this place….we still aren’t happy with ourselves and we either want more, or we reject what we have and look for something else…

 The Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints tell me that I’m not holy enough to be welcomed into their temple, freely, but yet their founder and 1^st prophet was a conniving, two faced, wanted man for fraud for most of his entire life, so why should I even want to go into their temple to have my family get baptized and cleaned from their sins and go to their version of Heaven when the man that made their faith possible today is as wicked as I have been? Is he really holy? If so, why didn’t anybody else think so that was on the outside looking in? Why didn’t he look like Charles Finney who lived during Smith’s life span? Why did they look so different, but apparently, preached about the same Jesus? The Hindus tell me that if I don’t make it into heaven with my good works by keeping up with the karmas, that I’ve wasted my life trying to accomplish, that I’ll come back to the earth being reincarnated as some animal, insect or both, but isn’t that a curse, to continue on in this endless cycle coming back to life as another being because I’m still not or never did, do anything right in the eyes of the Gods? The same goes with Mormons, why should I work my way into a place that can’t exist but yet, your book talks about one day reaching, but your book can’t even get known history right, but yet it has this great revelation that I need to get ahold of? What are you really saying? Or do you not have an answer for that either? Or even Buddhists, you’re really going to tell me that a temple monk was raised from the dead during his funeral, seemingly on his own, and had been dead for over a week, and he comes back to life having had a revelation of hell shown to him by Jesus, and Jesus tells him to go back and preach the Gospel, and he does so, leading many Buddhist monks to Christ, but your government quickly suppresses this truth because it’s a communist nation? And hates Christianity? In fact, they deny this story's validity altogether, but why lie about something like that? Are they ashamed that their heritage might be compromised because of this true God-Like encounter in which they had no control over or reason for occuring?

The list goes on but I want you to see that no matter what you may have been told, all roads DO NOT lead to God. The bible tells us that there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end of it is corruption and death. And today we are desensitized into accepting so many forms of truth; all the while we are also managing life and filtering it through the lenses of experience, having not experienced life at all the way that we were meant to. Slowly but surely, we are being grinded down to be comfortable and more and more comfortable with what’s going on around us, while our lives are being stolen away from us one idea at a time. And truthfully, we really can’t do anything about with our current state of mind. Our minds have to be changed, but first our hearts have to be reconstructed again. And the only way that this can happen is with God doing the work to us that makes us look like what we were intended to be. And friends this is the Gospel message. Our current lives have been raped, molested, and utterly assaulted on every level and only leaving room enough to look normal on the outside, while the inside looks like decay.

Men are sexually assaulted in their perspectives and that causes them to sexually assault other women as well as other men, with no regard for their conscious. Once a man’s conscious is seared, it’s only a matter of time before he is over taken by his passions and desires for more. It’s a terrible travesty but that’s sadly only one example in the 1,000+ that I could give to you that goes on every single day, right under our noses, and practically no one can do a single thing to reverse these causes and effects or prevent them from happening again.

-The Fr3edom in Five-

I want to say a few things about this book that might surprise you but that’s an ok thing right!? =) This project came out of time spent with the Lord after repenting of hidden sin in my heart that was unyeilded to God; and since then, the 4 issues I wrote about were what God revealed to me to really let Him deal with and for me to face. I always had a problem with hidden sin in my life. Partly because of my personality, I dealt with things in an inward self-destructive way growing up. It was really easy for me to feel left out of most circles, because I didn’t understand what it meant to assertively be yourself. I felt like being myself was sitting there and being quiet and letting everyone else live their lives while I recorded them in my memory bank and reported to them all of the details later. So as a friend, I felt more like a tape recorder for people rather than someone that people could and would really count on for love in their life. It was a lonely road and a stereotypically long road traveled as I would carry this mentality into important issues that I would face later in my life. When I really got honest and bare naked with God after I had truly repented of my sins in 2009, He really revealed to me things about myself that I thought that I gave to Him years prior. It’s almost as if I was living life because I had come back to Him and repented that the story was a wrap and I was free to figure everything else out on my own now. Sadly, I was only beginning my new life with Him, but I let offense drift me away from the work that He started to do in me. So 2011 rolled around and God really wrecked me the first night I was in bible school. One of the pastors preached a message that hinged on kids dealing with issues with their parents, and almost immediately did the Holy Spirit hit me right in the chest. When I moved from Panama City to Tampa, I was at ought against both my parents but my dad mainly received most of my anguish. I didn’t really deal with it properly because I already had a few offenses in my heart to begin with, so by the time that I heard this message, it was as if God had been trying to talk to me for 2 years or more and I kept hardening my heart towards what He was trying to tell me. He revealed to me that I wasn’t saved for myself and if I ever wanted to see the life of God manifest in the earth, I would have to learn how to die so that another person could live. I was so broken because I found myself looking like a Pharisee in motive and intent and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was supposed to be seeing miracles in my family’s life, but I didn’t because of how much of a spiritual brat I was towards the people that I thought should know better. But the fact was that even if they didn’t, I had a responsibility to continue to walk in the Love of God that was establishing my faith and trust in Him. It’s such an easy concept to grasp when your heart is in the right place, but when it isn’t, you’d rather chew bricks or arm wrestle with an elephant that listen to someone tell you that you’re heart isn’t right, especially when it truly isn’t.

And that was the truth behind the heart of the matter that I was dealing with; no matter how much I would try to justify my actions to myself knowing my own intentions, I was still filthy because of my attitude toward the people around me. It was easy for me to walk out of love with people because I wasn’t walking in love in the first place in my relationship with God. When I didn’t get the affirmation that I needed from the Lord, there was little to no affirmation that I had to give to the people around me. Love works like a cycle, and I was out of the loop; which is why the issue in my heart had suchers in them although they needed heavier bandages. My scars didn’t have what they needed to heal, so it wasn’t too long until the problems of life struck me in my healing wounds, only to expose them prematurely, causing them to not only bleed again, but begin to develop infection. So to make it simple, apart from all of the medical diction – lol – I had issues in my heart that didn’t heal, and when life struck, my makeshift bandages burst at the seams, and I went into a hurtful process of going back into a depression which lead me back to pornography…

When I was convicted and delivered from my sin, the Lord really broke me down and boiled me down to my roots and exposed places in my heart that I kept hidden and others I just never thought that I needed freedom from. The list is as follows: 1 – Codependency 2-Lonliness 3-Pornography 4-Fear; all of which gripped me for a very long time until the day that I gave myself to be made brand new by God. From there, The 5 books and beat tapes have been catered and developed with each theme in mind concluded with the fact that among all of these personal vices, the God who has saved me has proven His track record for salvation to me, by personally rescuing me from a life of hate, malice and envy. No one can take that fact from me! I’ve felt the freedom of forgiveness myself and the entire foundation of the Fr3edom in Five project is just that, there exists an undefeated God who has taken away all of my pain, and my shame and turned my sorrow into joy and with that being said I will praise Him forever more, for He is good!

-Fear = Universal Mind Control-

This could be the most intimate chapter of all five books and I may have said that before but I’m really serious saying that about this. It’s intimate in the sense of highlighting ideas and concepts that we live by but never really expose in a way that makes us vulnerable and truly open. I’ve been pretty intimate about my past life but I’m aiming to be intimate in regards to things that we all think is true but really aren’t in the least bit. I want to start off by making a statement that God spoke to me some time ago in prayer. I was asking Him about life and asking why do we deal with the things that we do on such a large scale with no outlet. I wanted Him to show me what keeps people at bay, even when the truth is staring them right in the face. And He spoke to me one word…fear. Fear is universal mind control on every front, in every capacity and any place that you see it in action; and it will stop at nothing to rule, conquer and dichotomize mankind from his Creator. Fear, when used to its full potential, will restrain even the strongest of antagonists, bringing him to his knees. We see it throughout all of history; the Roman’s used crucifixion as a warning sign against all who might oppose the government or law in place. They would leave the bodies on the crosses that they hung on, at the edge of the city limits so that before you walked into the city, you’d see people dead or dying on a cross. This was a symbol to keep people from even breathing hints of opposition in secret or in public. The Catholic Church during it’s more violent tenure was no different; when the crown was challenged, men like Guy Fawkes, that disobeyed or went against social order would be hanged, drawn and quartered when found guilty of a heinous crime. As this too was made a spectacle for the general public; sometime fear tactics would be used on an individual basis by men and women alike. A man named Vlad the Impaler, whom we get the general story of Count Dracula from, was arguable one of the wickedest men known throughout European history. The man was accounted for hating the disabled, poor and needy and elderly of his time and devised a plot to rid the country of these types of people. He was accounted for inviting a great number of them to his house and feeding them a most lavish meal and honoring them. At the end of the dinner, he would ask them who wants to live the most fulfilled life? The would response to him accordingly, and Vlad would seemingly grant there wish for them in a seductive way by ordering all of the doors to be blocked and the windows to be locked only to set the entire estate on fire while he watched them burn and scream in agony as not a single soul escaped the flames. He is also known for impaling some 100’s of men and women on wooden stakes and left them scattered on his lawn to strick fear in the hearts of those that would come and try to deal with him. Those are just some of the stories of real life events in recorded history. There are so many that are fictional, and it’s intent and purpose to, no matter what way you look at it, conjure up the  hidden anguishes inside of us and make them a reality.

In modern day society, fear is such a common thing that people grip with that to live without it, people will almost fight to stay confined, and restricted by their fears. That’s when we’ve have truly fallen away from God’s intended purpose for our lives friends; God never designed for us to be ruled by fear much less in agreement with it. There used to be a time to where the media would pump out the social standard to men and women to help them raise their families and lead them into the right direction for their lives. Sadly, that time doesn’t exist anymore. The media isn’t working with the family anymore; it’s working to tear it apart. And it’s being torn apart by men that with every generation, become more and more Godless, and turn further and further away from the truth that really establishes a legacy. But among all of this trouble, we’re taught that this stuff is normal. It’s normal for us to live like this. Live like what? Afraid to do more than just speak out about it but to live above it? That’s the real challenge. To do more than just recognize the need for something to change, but to really change it.

You gotta understand something that by default, it’s in us to naturally be afraid of the things that we don’t understand. I believe that at one point, that was the reason why some would agree with not teaching certain things about history or only making it available at a higher learning. The scary thing is, that by the time that the individual gets to the age of a young adult, the questions that they could have asked by now, they won’t ask, because they don’t care about the world around them. And who can really blame them? We are the generation of having parents who aren’t honest with themselves and then they punish us for doing the same thing and wonder why we reject what they say. It’s serious because fear produces fear, intentionally or not, it’s a deadly cycle that marks a person for failure before they even begin to live out their lives. My dad once told me that one thing that he always wanted from his dad was to really love him and to show it to him the right way because he didn’t show him that when he was a kid. Instead, my dad was raised being instilled to be afraid of the world around him that during that time, was controlled by an ever-increasing manipulation that the white man ruled the ground that black people walked on. If he did, he would have to pay the consequences that followed for challenging the ‘status quo’. That kind of fear was beat into the generation of parents that lived through Emmitt Teal, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, John F. Kennedy’s and MLK’s assassinations. That time period is the period that raised our parents and some of our grandparents. And because of the fear manufactured by different groups and social orders, the majority of people white and black grew up feeling disconnected, discontent, distraught and even hating the opposite race, simply because they exist in a frame of life that is new to or foreign to them. Again, no matter what circumstances, we tend to hate the things that we don’t understand; and powerful, wicked men see this and amplify it to create space to rule out their secret agendas that if exposed would show them for what they really are – opportunists. These men subject society to its perversion and doesn’t offer us a way out because to get us out would jeopardize their plans to fulfill their greed, envy, and other vices that serve as matters of the heart.

So in essence fear is used to manipulate people to do things that they don’t know any better to do the opposite of. Aren’t you supposed to fully trust the people that serve as your leaders? Don’t they make the way plain to you rather than expose your motives and make you pay for your own indulgences while they charge you interest in the background? I’m not trying to get too political but I’m really trying to show you what happens every single day across the globe, especially and most consistently in our backyard of the world. We are dumbed down to think that if anyone thinks like this, they’re full of it and needs to calm down and stop reading into the same mistakes that every is likely to make if they too had a position of power. So you can call me a whistle blower because it’s true. I’m not mad per say at the U.S. Government, I’m disappointed in the fact that they are selling themselves out in secrecy and all the while trying to convince us that the same country that our four-fathers discovered, fought for and died for exists today. Because no matter what way you look at it, that’s a lie; we are NOT the country that we used to be, nor do we with integrity live up to the Constitution like we once did. Freedom costs you everything now and life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are been molested and turned into the so called ‘American Dream’ where space, time and conundrums create the definition of it. So of course we live in fear, because we really don’t know what’s going on around us, but we’re too comfortable with all that we have currently. So back to my first point, we won’t do anything about it, because this is what normal looks like…but my question is are we really happy with what’s normal? What is normal? Or even better yet…”What is truth?” -Pontius Pilate

-“For God tests the righteous…”-

I have two people in mind that I always look up to so much when I’m dealing with my own personal fear. The first One is Martin Luther King Jr. and the second is the Old Testament man of faith of whom God worked some of the most miraculous and monumental things ever recorded in History; his name is Moses. Without getting too much involved in these two men and their backgrounds, I want to highlight the fact that both lived FILLED to the top, with faith, total reliance and divine optimism in God. The amazing thing is, that both walks with God were first confronted with and had to overcome… yep you guessed it… (fear). Moses killed a man and fled into the desert in hiding for years, and even after God Himself handpicked Moses to go back to Egypt and to tell the Pharaoh to let the people of God out of bondage, Moses still was unsure of himself and his abilities; but yet and still, God still used him mightily to work out some of the greatest exploits of the bible recorded. Even today scientist and historian alike marvel at trying to find proof, evidence and document that show case God’s glory in our seen world. Martin Luther King was no different. He lived under death threats for almost his entire tenure of a minister, much less as a civil right movement leader; and this included his family as well. He was put into jail wrongfully, and lived under scorn and mocking for his entire time in serving God. But yet, he would one day be revealed as one of the greatest men in American History. Both men had to face the fear that so easily grips society, but notice how if they would have been succumb to their fears and anguishes, they would have never been the men that we know them for today. Think about that; without the opposition of fear in general, the men and women that have risen above it would never have anything to be remembered for or even respected for conquering. Not our early presidents, not even a single person in the bible would be who they are unless they conquered their fear and rose above what was seen by all to be singled out by their faith – that’s what allows you to conquer.

The truth is that God tests the righteous and the wick man God leaves him alone to pretty much do his own will. The men and women that want to escape the fire, to escape the trouble, escape the hard time will never receive what the eyes of faith were made to attain – and that’s true freedom. People who stood for something throughout history, many times, never received it in their life time; including Moses and MLK both. Moses didn’t even get to go into the Promised Land, he just saw it from a distance, but the people of God did. And the same was with MLK. African Americans received civil liberties only subsequent of  his death. And that’s sometimes the price of freedom. But to live a life above fear is what I want to highlight for you to see. Because that’s how the road for these types of men even existed. And that’s the premise of this entire exposition, to allow you to be free from what holds you back from ultimately seeing God; because if we’re scared about when our next pair of shoes is going to come in, we’ve been defeated before we even started.

So the question becomes why even have faith? What’s the point of positioning yourself to ‘believe’ in something outside of you? So you can follow in tradition with everyone else that calls themself spiritual or something to that extent? To not be left out of something? Understand this – before I gave my heart to the Lord, I used to struggle with being able to relate to people because I hadn’t had a ‘bad story’ to relate to someone else and tell them about myself to show them how far I had come. I felt like I had to do something really bad or have come from a really terrible place in life in order to win their conscience or even have them give me the time of day to talk to them about Jesus. I felt so bad about it because I never did drugs, never drank, never smoked weed, never raped a girl, never had a baby out of wedlock, never had sex, never been sent to jail, never stole from the convenient store or anything like that. This came to be one of the reasons why I would struggle with porn – because I felt like I had to have something for me to be able to relate to with the people that I was going to be ministering too. Even though what I was doing was wrong, and I knew it was wrong at time, I felt like I had something to relate about with people because of my self-induced struggle. That’s how deep the bondage of fear can take you. It will take you to a place that you’ll convince yourself that you’re free, only to find that you’re in even worse bondage that you were before you found a form of truth. And I was afraid still; I was afraid of God and still afraid of the people that needed me to be free so that I could free them; because I couldn’t minister freedom to people when I myself was in eternal bondage.

You can’t fly with weights on your feet, you won’t even leave off of the ground; and your fear will tell you that this is what flying looks like to you, you’re just different. The truth is you ARE different, BUT you need the same requirement as everyone else does, to really live a life above the poison of fear. And more than I want for people to be stimulated in their mind about a good topic, I want them to be released from their world view about the Gospel message and opened up into a world that God designed especially for them to live, move and freely have their being in Christ Jesus! That’s what faith awards for you! It awards for you the liberty to not live for yourself anymore; it empowers you to live for something else bigger than yourself that matters eternally! Something that lasts, something that has purpose and meaning! Never were you meant to sleep your days away while you scoot by your college courses only to graduate thinking what’s next? Or why did I even enroll in the first place? You weren’t made to marry just any old person because you’re so sick and tired of being lonely. That’s not your calling! I’m telling you today that your calling was to be trapped into an everlasting cycle of love that frees even your grandparents from the religiousness and prejudices that they’ve never confronted and dealt with. God uses the weak things of the world to confound the wise and He uses a faith filled man and woman to work out His eternal purpose in the earth. In fact, faith is the necessary requirement to please God and to gain His reward =) that’s freedom friends. You don’t have to scale a mountain with your bare feet, keep up with your karma markings, baptize yourself on behalf of your other family members, or even come up with a rigorous program to kill your flesh so that God will be pleased with your sacrifice…These things will create a crutch in your relationship with God and rob you of being free to love God, and from that Love, live out His will for your life! If all of this verbiage is new to you, I want to be the first one to introduce to you the true Historical, Authentic, Holy, and Righteous God that has embodied himself as flesh in the person of Jesus Christ and invite you to give your life to Him totally! Stop waiting on a religious movement of many people to happen and ask Him to show Himself to you! I believe that the very fact that you’ve even read this entire composition is because you know that you need something real and something that isn’t misleading or even compromised. Sadly, my life hasn’t given you the best example to live by. By living and dying internally in secrecy. But I pray that among seeing my short-comings that you’ll see how Christ’s power has rested upon my life, freeing me from the bondages of not being good enough, or smart enough. He empowered me to live for Him and to forsake all forms of fear!

-Closing Remarks-

I've been getting such a tremendous download of a revelation on the love of God and on God's purpose for man in the earth, lately; and for me not to share anything about what's going on would be beyond terrible manners for me but it would be eternally disconcerting to not brag about God while I have the chance to today ;) The first thing I would like to say is that God, throughout scripture and by His very nature, desires to have you in His arms and in His company! I was reminded of a passage of scripture in Psalms 24:1 - "The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness,
The world and those who dwell therein." Really the whole chapter is worth reading but I wanna really pull on this scripture for a bit and tell you that God, from the foundations of the world, willfully choose you to be inside His mighty plan for salvation; because it isn't His will that any man should perish but that all should come BACK to Him through repentance. (1 Peter 1:20-21 and 2 Peter 3:9) From the beginning of time God had it established in Himself to see to it personally that NOTHING would separate us from the love of God, and that love safe guards our hearts. (Romans 8:38-39) And that's just a few examples for Gods plan for mankind! Jesus came to fulfill the law and the prophets and His commandment to us was to love the Lord God will all that is within you and the subsequent commandment was equated to it, to love your neighbor as you also love yourself. (Matthew 22:37-40) Jesus also told us that no greater love has any man that this, that he should lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:11-17) And the famous staple scripture for everyone is that God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son that who should ever believe in Him should not perish but rather have everlasting life. (John 3:16-17) Jesus also said to us that man can't live by just merely eating bread alone to sustain his life, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. (Matthew 4:4)

So a great display of infinite affection and wisdom has been shown to us in this example shown, God has never stopped and will continue to resist anything that gets in His way to attain the life of His children. It's like God had a no child left behind mentality before there was ever reason to be so protective over us. The bible tells us that He had a plan for us from the beginning of known time and space and He has never relented in seeing to it that our every need in this life and in the next would be taken care of. I'm telling you that this stuff never gets old to me, because I'm learning on my own, aspects of the God Man Christ Jesus that were never taught to me. I mean Jesus is so filled with the perpetual expression and power of God that it blows my mind to even attempt to comprehend what all that He done for me in light of eternity; much less what it all means. I've found that God has specific instruction for every man according to the power and the needs, but the ultimate purpose and intention for all of mankind is to shine the light of the Son of God Jesus Christ that is best represented in the Gospel message that He gave. God wants us and He is zealous for us! Jealous even! And He will stop at nothing to reach us and empower us where we're at!

I'm floored because Jesus tells us that the things of this world are not too terribly important to God because it all belongs to Him ultimately; but what is important is what's IN the earth. And that's us friends, me and you. (Luke 12:22-23) And so God will stop at nothing for you, because Jesus recognizes that YOU are the most important thing to Him. That's why it was easy for Him to give His life up in exchange for yours and mine, so that God would turn His wrath against the things that have separated us from Him, and allow us to freely walk into His forgiveness and into His way of living life. His intentions aren't to steal from us but to empower us to empower someone else with the Good News of God. No man is excluded and no man is condemned in God's court, but rather every man is freely justified by Jesus. The only condition is that we put our faith in His saving knowledge and live our lives in recognition and response to this truth so that no man can boast about doing anything better than another. God is good and He wants your soul to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that you don't have to do anything to earn, you just simply receive it by putting your faith in the finished work of the Cross of Christ and let Him change you; rather than the ideas of man and the misconceptions of religion.

If there's anything that I want you to get from this is that God has never been against you, you were made to take His name and creatively pan it across the sky showing all that God is our all in all and that the enemy and his cohorts can't and won't ever do anything to change that! Would you stop just merely reading this work and decide to choose life today? Would you stop playing church or doing your religious responsibilities or even carrying on traditions long, enough to get honest with God today? It's not good enough to just read this and agree with it unless you've made that decision before. I challenge you to choose life today by asking Him into your life and let Him change the way that you view Him, yourself and the people around you. Release your fear to fly by choosing to walk by faith, and live the way you were intended to live your life, under the umbrella of true truth that he has your entire world in the palm of His hands.

Marcus Christopher Hollinger
freed, from the fear of flying.

.s.incer.e. (88)